Words cannot describe how much of my time in the past 8 months I have spent in the silence of my own thoughts. Before anybody reads that and thinks I am crazy, I think it was a good thing. It was a time to reflect on my life: where I am, where I want to be, and what I have to do to be at the place I want to be.
Last year around January/February time period, I was an overworked mess. I was trying to balance swimming (which feels like a full time job) with grades and trying to be social and having a girlfriend. It was hard for me to balance everything, and I wasn't being a good boyfriend or a good friend to my roommate/best friend. I showed them no time of day, and whenever I was with them, I was not too nice to them because I let the pressures of being overworked take over my life. I put almost no work into those relationships that I had and focused more on swimming and my classes/schoolwork.
All I wanted was alone time. I wanted space from everybody I loved because I couldn't handle how much stress I was facing at that point. I felt like I had no individuality or time to even spend alone with God. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and I was seconds away from bursting.
But, you know what they say- Be careful what you wish for...
Because then, BOOM. In the middle of the month of March, came a storm called COVID-19 which put the world at a standstill. Everybody was sent home from college and I was separated from my friends, my classwork, and my girlfriend. Everything was taken away from me at that point in time. All the time that I wanted my own space and individuality, God basically handed that to me on a silver platter. And I was sent home and forced to do online school away from my friends and my girlfriend.
Being home though and spending a lot of time with my family and by myself was probably one of the most moving parts of my life. I took something that was so scary in the world and tried my best to make it in my favor. I noticed when I went home that I was going to have a lot more free time. I noticed when I went home that I was going to have more time to spend with God. And I did.
I remember that I used to just lay on my floor in my room and pray. I would throw up a ball at the ceiling over and over, talking to God about my day. And my worries. My concerns. What I was thankful for. What I was anxious about. What I wanted to accomplish in my life.
I remember telling God how grateful I was for my girlfriend and my friends and how badly I felt for taking them for granted. Also, for not appreciating them while I was at school with them.
Then, during quarantine, I was able to get closer with my girlfriend, even though we were a few hundred miles apart. We talked every day and FaceTimed every night. Honestly, if it weren't for that quarantine period in the spring of last year, I would not have gotten as close with her. We talked to each other about our stresses, shared laughs, ranted, watched movies, and played some online games. During quarantine was really when my girlfriend also turned into my best friend.
Also, I got closer with my roommate/best friend as we got through the craziness of online business school together.
After talking with God for so long, I was able to have a peace with my self and my life. I spoke to God as a friend, and spent every morning in a devotional with him before I started my day. And this was around the time where I had no idea what the heck I wanted to pursue (career-wise). I had no idea who God wanted me to be or what I needed to accomplish. I asked God every day, "God, tell me what to do. Give me a passion for something."
And He did.
I've mentioned before in a previous post that I spent quarantine studying Spanish. But, I will talk about it some more.
I had this overwhelming urge, out of nowhere, to begin learning Spanish. I took Spanish classes all throughout my life- but they were very surface level and I never grasped anything.
During quarantine though, I decided to put the calling I had for studying language into practice. I downloaded many Spanish apps and spent 3-5 hours each day learning Spanish (this was in-between my online classes, by the way). I loved every second of it. I loved the idea of being able to translate things from Spanish to English and learn the different conjugations and sounds.
And now, I am fluent in the language and can have full conversations with people in Spanish. Because of that passion that God gave me during that time period (and even this time period), I can converse about myself and God with other Spanish speaking people.
Long story short (I go off on tangent after tangent), it is so important to spend time with God. I became fully a Christian (to the point where I had a close relationship with God) during the summer after my Freshman year. I started trusting God with my life and told Him that I wanted to dedicate my life to serving Him. And He has made my life so much better after that point than ever before. I started to make so many friends and was able to live much more of a brighter life since then.
And the fact that we have a God that we can just talk to like a friend. Isn't that crazy? Isn't it crazy that you can just lay on your floor and have a conversation with the person who designed the Universe? What other religion has that?
And then, let alone, BE ABLE TO SEE a difference in your life after you talk to Him. I saw real results after spending time with God. I am not saying that these results would happen instantly, but there are guaranteed results that will happen, and will give you a clearer mind.
After the conversation with God about where He wanted my life to go back during quarantine, I am just now seeing his answer. And I know that his answer is telling me to pursue my passion- which is creative writing. THIS kind of writing.
I also felt Him say that I need to help others. That I basically need to dedicate my life to making other peoples' lives better. In this world full of deceit, lies, and darkness, He wants me to be a light and to share my love for creativity as motivation to inspire others. And to spread happiness.
"Tyler, I have never seen you in a bad mood. You're like always happy." Sometimes, people say this to me. And my only answer is, "It's not me. It is God who makes me this happy."
Spend some time with God. Tell him about your day, your struggles, your worries, and your passions. He loves to hear. And you'll see real results throughout your daily life.
-TJO
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